Dance to This Beat

It is at roughly 2am that I came to a conclusion about myself:

I am, undoubtedly, one of the most self involved, dramatic, and emotional people that has probably grazed the earth.

Now, some people might view that with a trace of depression and would instantly wonder how they'd gotten to this point in their lives. I, however, have come to a different conclusion. I realize these are my primary faults as a human being. I understand that. They are also parts of my character that I can't change for the life of me. Simply put.

I recall a previous post on this blog about me searching for my confidence. I didn't find it- it found me, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm at this point where I honestly don't care what people think of how I look, or how I behave. I am who I am, and I refuse to be anything different. I suppose that's part of the university experience- you get to "do what you want to do, and fuck the rest" (thank you Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine). Maybe because I have no one left to impress (I already have my friends- what more do I need?), and because I know I'll be fine. I always am.

So now I am listening to some powerful girl rock, and feeling pretty great. I mean, I don't even care about my stomach anymore- something that drove me crazy for the past four years. I've come to embrace its soft squishiness. It's pretty great. I'm not fat, I never really was, and I can't believe I wasted so much time fretting about it. I think it's the influence of Aberdeen.

All the girls here don't care what you think of them. When they dress to go out, they dress in the shortest skirts possible- regardless of their weight, and they have the time of their lives. And their confidence really works for them. I think what I needed all along was to see confident girls out and about to bring up my own. If they can do it- why can't I? The town where I grew up was filled with clones, if you weren't one, it was quite obvious.

Ever since the beginning of the summer, I've really begun associating myself with people who don't care how much I weigh, how I dress, and all that nonsense. They care about me and my drama and my emotional responses to everything. And those are the kind of people I refuse to let go of. Most of them I've been friends with forever, but only then realized how important they are to me. And there was the one that I think might have started it all.

Oh the wasted years worrying about how I looked and how people perceived me. Now is my time, and I am so excited.

good night!