Ticket Outta Loserville

Sigh.

I'm very fed up with certain individuals here. I'm fed up with the fact I can barely trust anyone not to twist my words and start major drama.

So immature. Here I was thinking high school was over. But this time, it's 6 hours and $700 away from home; without my childhood friends to back me up; and on my own. It's the best. I'm a pretty easy target. Too nice (outwardly, anyway); American; have no friends prior to coming to Aberdeen; amongst other things.

I'm tired. I need to go home and re-charge. It's exactly three weeks now until I fly home to New York. I never thought I'd ever miss the USA. EVER. It's funny how much people change. I'm almost hesitant to see my old friends again, but I guess it would be weird if they remained exactly the same. I'm excited. All this stupid drama here can't slow me down. I'm just going to avoid the idiots, and keep on moving.

To the gym, specifically. I'm in love with it. I think because it's so advanced and cool, it just makes me enjoy sweating (gross) and working out (ick). There that, and I'm a bit of a masochist. FEEL THE BURN!

That's about it. g'night!

Won't Go Home Without You

I went to the gym today to do my first official workout. I went on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes at a 5 mile an hour pace the entire time. For a fat slob such as myself, this was absolutely brutal. I was the only one sweating this much, as I think the boys were only there to lift weights, and the girls only seemed to be interested in looking at the boys. And there I was, running away and sweating like a pig. I was an attractive sight, let me tell you!

It's been snowing non-stop here. Well, it stops every few hours, but then it resumes. Now, there's a serious amount of snow everywhere. I really don't feel like walking to campus through Seaton Park... it'll be slippery, and I'll probably fall on my ass. Not fun. Then I'm going to visit a friend at her flat, and I have no idea how I'm going to get there. Or if I can, for that matter. This weather is pretty rough.

I'm exhausted... and I just woke up. I don't really have much else to say, LOL. bye!

coeur du pirate

Confidence: maybe not as strong, but still going. I'm not giving up on it.

I recently joined the local gym. I have my 'induction' tomorrow, where I learn to use all of the really fancy equipment. I'm super excited! I'm really determined to lose some weight before I go home at Christmas. I have lots of people to impress! Granted, since coming here, I haven't gained any weight. But I haven't lost any either. It' just been steady. Which is probably why I've grown to love my body so much.

However, there's always room for improvement. And who can really say no to losing a few pounds when it's really needed? I do need to get in shape, for my health. That, and it gives me something to do. I always have so much spare time at university, and I should actually do something productive with it, right? Right.

I'm so happy right now, for such a pathetic reason. Ha. I'm such a sucker for love. I always have been. I don't know why, when I devote so much time to my 'anti-love' exterior. I'm the Queen of the Saps.

Anyway, need my energy for my gym induction! good night!

Dance to This Beat

It is at roughly 2am that I came to a conclusion about myself:

I am, undoubtedly, one of the most self involved, dramatic, and emotional people that has probably grazed the earth.

Now, some people might view that with a trace of depression and would instantly wonder how they'd gotten to this point in their lives. I, however, have come to a different conclusion. I realize these are my primary faults as a human being. I understand that. They are also parts of my character that I can't change for the life of me. Simply put.

I recall a previous post on this blog about me searching for my confidence. I didn't find it- it found me, as cheesy as that sounds. I'm at this point where I honestly don't care what people think of how I look, or how I behave. I am who I am, and I refuse to be anything different. I suppose that's part of the university experience- you get to "do what you want to do, and fuck the rest" (thank you Dwayne from Little Miss Sunshine). Maybe because I have no one left to impress (I already have my friends- what more do I need?), and because I know I'll be fine. I always am.

So now I am listening to some powerful girl rock, and feeling pretty great. I mean, I don't even care about my stomach anymore- something that drove me crazy for the past four years. I've come to embrace its soft squishiness. It's pretty great. I'm not fat, I never really was, and I can't believe I wasted so much time fretting about it. I think it's the influence of Aberdeen.

All the girls here don't care what you think of them. When they dress to go out, they dress in the shortest skirts possible- regardless of their weight, and they have the time of their lives. And their confidence really works for them. I think what I needed all along was to see confident girls out and about to bring up my own. If they can do it- why can't I? The town where I grew up was filled with clones, if you weren't one, it was quite obvious.

Ever since the beginning of the summer, I've really begun associating myself with people who don't care how much I weigh, how I dress, and all that nonsense. They care about me and my drama and my emotional responses to everything. And those are the kind of people I refuse to let go of. Most of them I've been friends with forever, but only then realized how important they are to me. And there was the one that I think might have started it all.

Oh the wasted years worrying about how I looked and how people perceived me. Now is my time, and I am so excited.

good night!

You Give Me Something

Well, I haven't exactly had the drive to write in here lately. I suppose it's this overwhelming homesickness that's been plaguing me. Granted, I'm honestly trying to get past it, because (let's be real) there's nothing I can do about it, and I'm going home in exactly a month and a day. I just think a combination of the weather and all the essays I've had to write is what's making me emotional.

There's that, and I can't get through a romantic movie without crying like a complete sap. PS I Love You was absolutely brutal, and it wasn't just me crying, either. Maybe I'm coming down with something? Doubt it, but it provides we with a solution.

Baking has also given me something to do. I guess I sound like a complete fatty when I say this, but I love making cakes. It's so fun, and everyone always really enjoys the end product. I guess that's a totally stereotypical house wife way of looking at it? Haha. Maybe I should be at culinary school studying pastry making instead of here, learning about history and archeology to get a job in... what? What can I really do with a history major and an archeology minor? I want to go dig. In China, specifically. I think it would be awesome.

Anyway, we're gearing up for a Harry Potter movie marathon and I'm baking carrot muffins. I hope the recipe I found is good!